By Frank J. Diekmann
Earlier this week I gave credit unions a big, red “F” for their press releases and communications, thanks to what often feels like a googolplex of errors in punctuation, grammar and syntax.
For those interested in getting that grade to at least a “C,” below are some of the common errors and mistakes I and everyone else on the receiving end of your press releases see on a daily basis, with some rules to correct them–and as I stated earlier, it’s embarrassing to even have to point a lot of this out, as much of it is the stuff of elementary school workbooks.
In that earlier column I talked big picture. The list below—and it wasn’t easy to keep this as short as it is—includes the little aggravations and head-scratchers that detract from the image of credit unions and lead editors to quickly hit the delete button rather than track down a Navajo code-talker to help decipher whatever the message might be.
I’ve also mixed in some real-life examples from credit unions that, for lack of a better word, “perplex.”
Get to the Point
I said it earlier, but I’m repeating it: It’s critical you get to your point immediately in a world in which it’s easier than it’s ever been for everyone with access to the very exclusive Internet to author a “press release” and hit “send.” You already know from your own daily e-habits how easy (and necessary) it is to skim over your emails and news feeds without ever getting past the headline. It even feels good to hit delete, like some sort of e-cleansing. Just imagine how much cleansing news editors go through—it’s why we’re all so fresh to be around.
Get to the point by answering the basic how, where, what, when and why questions. That’s it. One reason so many press releases fail—and not just those from CUs—is the source of the release forgets the intended audience. They write press releases for themselves, full of self-congratulatory pablum, rather than for the recipient they should be attempting to hook. No hook, no fish.
An Example
As you may have heard, most news editors/media types are jaded cynics, or as I like to call them, optimists. The reason, in part, is one malady press releases never suffer is self-esteem issues, meaning editors are on the receiving end of self-promoting, back-patting, we-are-announcing-the-greatest-newest-freshest-most-innovating-world-changing solution/product/service/answer-to-everyone’s prayers press releases. Every. Single. Day.
So this type of lead in a release isn’t hooking anyone.
COOPVILLE, USA–With a long and proud history of serving its members since it was founded by a half-dozen workers who contributed $10 each in 1948, and which today even more proudly serves people throughout the tri-county region with innovative products and services under the leadership of CEO Dora Herring, Cahoots Credit Unions is announcing…
Yada, yada, yada—sounds to an editor like more self-promotion. Instead, get to the point:
COOPVILLE, USA–More than $3 million is being returned to members of Cahoots Credit Union at year-end in the form of bonuses and refunds.
Further down in the release you will want to explain how the bonus/refunds differentiate a credit union from a bank. (And never assume the editor on the other end of your release has any understanding of the bank/CU difference.)
The Underdog
One more thing: editors love underdog stories, the stories that don’t feel like something is being sold but instead highlight how one group of people has benefitted through mutual self-help, and money that at a big bank would have gone to big shareholders has instead been returned to the working folks.
Another Tip
You don't have to limit your communications with news editors/reporters to releases. You can simply reach out to introduce yourself and ask what types of stories the publication is seeking, what they know about you, etc. It's nice sometimes not to be on the end of a sales call.
A Common, Comma Abuse
I wrote about this issue earlier, but I continue to pity the poor comma. Again, no punctuation mark, suffers, like, the comma, in CU, releases. Beyond just the unnecessary usage in sentences where no pause is needed, another mistake I see daily is this: if you include a person’s title prior to their name, it’s “…CEO Bobbi Bergengren…” It’s not “…CEO, Bobbi Bergengren,” unless the title is a dependent clause, as in, “the credit union’s CEO, Bobbi Bergengren.”
I, fully anticipate, this, admonition, will go, nowhere.
Says Frank, A Tragic Epidemic
I’m not sure exactly when this great shift began, but it has become a sad epidemic: Quotations are now PRECEDED by the attribution. Quotations should appear this way: “We are going to issue a press release,” said CEO Susan Filenestein.
But somewhere at the intersection of English Avenue and Sesame Street the car came to a stop and it was decided the average reader would collapse in confusion when confronting a quote without first knowing who is saying it, centuries of English composition and novels be damned.
Today, the genteel eyes and ears of modern readers apparently can’t bear the shock of not knowing who is speaking, so we now get the ridiculous and redundant. First there is the awkward fragment of an introduction, and then, as if the writer of the release is attempting to meet some sort of word count requirement for a high school term paper, we get statements in which the entire quote that follows is prefaced by the same statement, just without the quotation marks.
Receiving a statement such as this is a daily occurrence: “Commenting on the importance of issuing a press release, CEO Susan Filenestein said she believes it’s a critical process. “We are going to issue a press release, because it’s a critical process,” Filenestein said. Oy.
“And Then There’s This.
Speaking of quotations, it’s hard to overstate the number of open quotes that never open and close quotes that never close. Is someone speaking? Are they done? We’ll never know.
Quote Us, But Don’t Quote Us
On the other hand, some credit unions go in the opposite direction. One press release I received from one of the largest CUs in the country—in which several people were named–included this actual statement: “Here are some quotes.” That was followed by quotes that were attributed to no one in particular. And here is my delete key.
I have also received releases that quote people by their last name only, as if they are Madonna or Obama and we just know who they are.
Here’s another note on attribution: If you identify your CEO or another executive by title after his/her name at first reference, you do not need to mention the title again with Each. And. Every. Subsequent. Reference. We in the media may be slow on the uptake, but most of us can grasp the Smith who was referenced in paragraph two is the same Smith who appears in paragraph three.
Can’t Stand the Excitement!!!
I don’t spend my days inside credit union offices across the country, and to be honest, I’m glad—I don’t think I could handle the nonstop excitement, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from CU press releases, everyone is in a constant state of exclamation!!!
One pictures CU branches across the country with employees euphorically shouting to each other as they exclaim great exclamations all day long! Sorry, all day long!!! Let’s go to lunch! Let’s have a meeting!! We need to call the corporate!!! How do CU folks stand the ceaseless caffeine rush?
I can only assume the 1 key is upper-cased so often its replacement is one of the biggest expense line-items at many credit unions.
Allow me to provide this helpful guide to using exclamation points. When Neil Armstrong famously said, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” the sentence ended with a period. If the first person in human history to walk on the moon didn’t need an exclamation point, chances are your jeans day fundraiser can live without it, too.
I know what you’re thinking. “It’s not us, Frank.” Chances are, “Yes, it is!!!”
Call Us, We Have Nothing to Say
Here’s a media approach that more than confounds: One credit union pitched—and did so rather aggressively—an idea for a story they felt needed to be reported. When asked for their own input, the CU replied, “No comment.”
Never Look Directly at the CEO
How do you know when the PR account is in trouble or someone working at the CU is either an unapologetic brownnoser or in fear for their job?
When the press release makes it clear right upfront something else is at work beyond announcing that branch opening. Any release that begins, and many do, with the CEO descending from his or her throne high atop Mt. Coopatuvius, as in, “Ray Feisen, president and CEO of the ABC Credit Union, has announced…” Often with these releases it feels the only thing missing are references to his “highness” or “excellency.”
In Today’s Fast-Deleting World
I can’t speak for other editors, but I stop reading as soon as I encounter the cliché, “In today’s fast-changing world…” The world has been “fast-changing” for as long as people have been changing it. Remember when the Luddites pushed back on the technology of their day? That was 1811. Do you really want to see “fast changing” in action today? That’s me trashing the release. The same holds true for any release leading with the cliché, “In today’s modern world…,” and for any release that blinds us with the obvious, as in, “Children are our future.” You know what else is in your future? No coverage of this release.
Credit Unions Eating Credit Unions
These next couple of items really astound. There is getting the basics of punctuation wrong, and then there’s actually setting yourself (and credit unions) back.
Here’s an actual first sentence from one credit union’s press release: “Imagine a bank branch so inviting that you go out of your way to get there….”
Imagine not knowing you’re a credit union.
Here’s another fundamental screw-up you don’t have to imagine. Countless releases are produced by credit unions saying they are responding to “customer” demand or have introduced a new product for their “customers.” If credit unions aren’t going to emphasize their own fundamental differentiation from banks, who in the world will?
Of course, some CUs don’t seem to know the difference. I received one press release from a CU that actually read, “When the branch opens this spring, members will find the technology and customer service they have come to expect…” Which I can only assume means it’s bad.
But the worst Credit Unions Eating Credit Unions practice is a point I’ve raised before, and that is the awful practice by some of criticizing other credit unions as they pat themselves on the back. These releases make statements such as, “Unlike other credit unions…” or “As the only credit union in this market to…” It’s good to hear these CUs have 100% market share in their communities. How ridiculously short-sighted and ultimately self-defeating.
Worth Twice the Money?
Here’s another one I can’t believe I have to even point out, but while the amounts differ, I receive some version of this type of reference quite often: “$100,000 dollars.” I assume it’s because dollars dollars are worth twice as much; sounds like a great way to boost capital. In the same tradition, CUs often make statements such as “68% percent.”
An Incomplete Education
If you want a definition of irony, here’s one: all the press releases related to the awarding of college scholarships that like to educate us with, “The scholarships will help finance their educations.” As opposed to a killer beer pong table.
Watch Your Terminology
One CU announced a “merger” with a vacation club. In fact, it was just a partnership. Remember a news editor (who’s probably young, given the layoffs in the industry) who has no idea how a credit union works also has no idea the CU can’t merge with a non-CU. And this raises another question: does the person(s) you have handling your communications know the difference?
I Have ‘No Idea’
One state league sent a way-too-long press release in which it quoted two elected officials as saying they had “no idea” how credit unions accomplished what they had accomplished (which begs the question of why a release was ever published). That was followed in the next paragraph by both officials explaining exactly how CUs had accomplished what they accomplished.
Muffler Shop? Local Restaurant?
One credit union that pays for a public relations firm to handle its communications regularly distributes press releases in which its name appears only in the subject line of the email, and never in the press release itself. Instead, the credit union is referred to as a “local business” and “organization.”
Go Stand in the Corner
From the “We’re No Longer Permitted to Make You Stand in the Corner, But In This One Case The Practice Should Be Revived Dept.,” and I really can’t believe I have to point this out, yet I also can’t believe how many CU statements and communications get this wrong: Commas and periods always go inside the quotation marks in American English.
That rule is as much an elementary school staple as “recess is life” and the fact the teacher is using that end-of-year gift card for a lousy 25 bucks (from a class of 30) to head straight to the liquor store.
Other rules include dashes, colons, and semicolons almost always go outside the quotation marks; question marks and exclamation marks sometimes go inside, sometimes stay outside.
Apparently, some of the people credit unions are (over) paying to handle their communications have never heard any of these rules, or any rules at all, for that matter, as–and I’m not kidding–frequently no punctuation at all is used.
What’s most difficult to understand about the points raised above is all the software available to check this sort of elementary stuff.
What’s Our Name Again?
In a press release announcing a merger that stressed each CU would retain its name and branding, the name of one of the CUs was actually misspelled. And another publication picked it up without correcting it.
Hold On To Your Chair
I hope you’re sitting down and, even better, are seat belted in, but nouns do not need to be capitalized. It’s a credit union, not a Credit Union, when you’re not using the full and proper name of the credit union. It’s also member, not Member.
Counting Words, Not Making Words Count
Don’t look now, especially if you’re being paid by the word, but “During the month of April” and “During April” mean the same thing. Clearly, many people remain in high school and are desperately attempting to make the word count minimum.
Victims Victimized by CU
One release announcing a CU was helping in the wake of a hurricane stated staff had taken with them “a barrage of items…”
We Don’t Profe Reed
In one case, I actually had to contact a source of a press release and inform them in my always gentle manner there were so many errors that numerous questions had to be answered. The CU responded by acknowledging the errors and explaining their statement had not been “proof read” prior to distribution. That’s right, they misspelled “proofread.”
Smiley Face, Fire, What?
It’s just a matter of time, but I keep awaiting the all-emoji press releases.
Also, Don’t Do This Also
Also, you don’t start sentences with “also.”
The Word That You Don’t Need
One more thing, and that is that you can live by the notion that you don’t need to use all those that’s. In fact, you can eliminate two of them in the previous sentence.
Christmas Release? Perfect for July 4 Holiday!
Here’s yet another fundamental so basic it’s embarrassing to even have to mention it, and yet… If you’ve got “news,” perhaps consider this radical strategy: try to send it while it’s actually news. Not months, literally months, after the event occurred. No better example than the various awards programs; some credit unions send out the “news” so far past its expiration date it’s moldy. And I already know we’re six weeks past Christmas, but I will be receiving at least one more 2019 holidays-related release sometime in the future.
On a related note, is it that difficult to understand the concept of time? Within the last week I received a press release written in future tense related to a branch that had opened a month earlier.
A Black-and-White Test
What is with the black-and-white pictures that accompany some releases?
Use this handy rule of thumb in deciding whether to send a black-and-white or a color photo: Is Ed Filene in your photo? No, you say? Then go ahead and embrace the modern world of color, which was made available for photographic use in 1907, and save the black-and-white filter for your side hustle as an Instagram influencer.
Criterion is a Word?
One CU noted, “Some of the criteria that is considered.” Um, criteria is plural. That release, by the way, was for academic scholarships.
The 51st State
Some releases nail the grammar and punctuation, it’s the other little details that are a bit lacking. For instance, one CU organization’s press release noted there had been 25 U.S. credit unions participating, “including” one from Canada.
It’s Not Ironic, Just Wrong
Other common errors: Using “tact” instead of tack,” “paired back” instead of “pared back,” and one that is chronic, using “ironically” when you mean “coincidentally.”
Sorry, It’s Not Actually Alive
I know how strong the personal connection is many of you feel with credit unions, but a credit union is an inanimate object, making it a “which,” not a “who.” That’s reversed for members, a fact lost on one CU that stated it had “35,000 members which are served…”
Sounds Good, But…
One CU announced its members can now “consulate with a financial counselor.”
Know Your Audience
Another PR 101 reminder: Know your audience. I have in the past year received press releases addressed to “Hello, Steve,” “Just a minute of your time, Gary,” and “Dear Diane.” Obviously, I only use the latter with my very closest of friends.
A Small Favor
We live in a day in which everything is now “amazing” and everyone and every institution are on a “journey.” Some CUs and the execs quoted can’t seem to help themselves and are on an “amazing journey.” All I ask is you send me $1 for every “amazing” or “journey” reference in your statements so that I might join the billion-dollars-in-assets club by year-end.
But What About CUToday.info?
By this point you’re no doubt thinking, “Hey, Frank, what about CUToday.info? The publication has typos, too.” Indeed, we do—and we regret them and make corrections as soon as possible. In large part that’s due to the sheer volume of news we report each week on tight deadlines, which is a reason, not an excuse, and we certainly apologize for those mistakes.
The difference is we know they are mistakes and errors. The frequent impression I and others get from CU communications is the person writing the release (and by association, his or her employer), seems to have no klue. Sorry, klue!!!!
Frank J. Diekmann is Cooperator in Chief at CUToday.info and can be reached at Frank@CUToday.info or @FrankCUToday.