By Ray Birch
VIENNA, Va. — As Americans exchange roses, chocolates, and promises of love on Valentine’s Day, a far darker form of “romance” is quietly ruining lives: highly organized, AI-powered romance scams that turn affection into exploitation, intimacy into isolation, and trust into financial devastation.
What once looked like a lonely-heart crime has become an industrial-scale racket that touches people of every age, income level, and education, draining hundreds of millions of dollars a year while shattering families and mental health — often long before victims or their loved ones realize what has happened.
Romance scams have become one of the fastest-growing and most emotionally destructive forms of financial crime in the United States. They don’t just steal money. They hollow out trust, fracture families, and, in many cases, permanently reshape victims’ lives.
According to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), Americans reported losing more than $672 million to romance and confidence scams in 2024, with losses concentrated among adults over 40. Investigators say the real figure is almost certainly far higher because shame, confusion, and fear keep many victims silent.
A broader picture emerges from the Global Anti-Scam Alliance (GASA), which found that 70% of U.S. adults experienced a scam in 2025, the average American now encounters 377 scam attempts per year, and Americans lost $64.8 billion to all scams in a single year — about $1,087 per victim on average. Nearly one in five victims are repeat targets.
Romance scams sit at the intersection of these trends: high frequency, high sophistication, and devastating personal impact.
Carrie Foran Sepulveda, vice president of fraud and physical security at Navy Federal Credit Union, said the biggest misconception is that romance scammers target only “lonely seniors” or people with low financial literacy.
“That stereotype is wrong,” she said in an interview. “We see victims across all ages, income levels, education levels, and geographies. What matters isn’t who you are — it’s the moment you’re in.”
At its core, she explained, a romance scam is simply trust manipulation dressed up as affection.
“Fundamentally, it’s about finding a way to convince someone to trust you enough to share money,” Foran Sepulveda said. “Relationships and romance are just one of many sectors criminals exploit to create that trust.”
What has changed is scale and realism, she said.
With AI tools, deepfakes, and automated messaging platforms, scammers can now send millions of “wrong number” texts, social media DMs, or dating-app messages at once — then patiently cultivate the tiny fraction of people who reply.
Foran Sepulveda described a common opening move:
A stranger texts: “Hey — are we still on for this weekend?”
A polite person replies: “I think you have the wrong number.”
The scammer responds warmly: “Oh no! I’m so sorry — I hope I didn’t ruin your day.”
Within days, that benign exchange can morph into emotional intimacy.
“That’s the toe in the door,” she said. “You didn’t set out to meet a stranger — but now you’re chatting. And once there’s even a little trust, they can start shaping a narrative.”
Who Falls For This — Really?
There is no single profile.
Some victims are widowed. Others are divorced, busy professionals, new parents, or socially isolated after moving for work. Many are highly educated. Some are deeply tech-savvy.
What they share is situational vulnerability — a moment of loneliness, stress, or desire for connection, Foran Sepulveda explained.
GASA’s research underscores how universal exposure has become:
- 77% of Americans encounter scams regularly
- Most contact arrives via text (56%) or email (55%) — the very channels people use to stay connected
And once someone engages even briefly, algorithms often amplify the risk, Foran Sepulveda said.
Foran Sepulveda noted that platforms and ad systems learn from behavior: if someone clicks, replies, or lingers on suspicious content, they may be fed more scam attempts, not fewer — a vicious cycle that can trap repeat victims.
The Coaching — And The Secrecy
Romance scams are not chaotic. They are scripted, Foran Sepulveda emphasized.
Scammers coach victims on exactly what to tell their bank or credit union, what to tell friends, and what to hide.
“They’ll say: ‘Your credit union is going to try to stop you — here’s what to tell them,’” Foran Sepulveda said. “And the victim walks in with a perfectly rehearsed story.”
Common scripts include:
- “This is for a home renovation”
- “It’s for a family member”
- “It’s a legitimate investment opportunity”
At the same time, scammers isolate victims from their real support systems.
“They create secrecy on purpose,” Foran Sepulveda said. “They’ll say, ‘Your family won’t understand. They’ll try to sabotage us.’ That’s classic abuser behavior — emotional control and isolation.”
How This Breaks Families
The financial loss is only the beginning.
GASA found that 67% of scam victims report significant stress, with many experiencing lasting anxiety. About 12% had to cut back on normal spending, meaning the harm ripples beyond the victim to spouses, children, and households.
Foran Sepulveda has seen families torn apart when a loved one keeps sending money — even after being warned.
“There are cases where no one can convince the person they’re being scammed,” she said. “Trust erodes. Relationships fracture. Sometimes the victim won’t even admit what happened, which makes reconciliation nearly impossible.”
In other cases, victims lose retirement savings, drain home equity, or rack up debt — then withdraw socially out of shame.
“There can be a quiet second trauma,” Foran Sepulveda said. “Not just the scam, but the isolation that follows.”
What Credit Unions Can — And Must — Do
Foran Sepulveda argues that credit unions are uniquely positioned to intervene because of their member-first culture and deep relationships.
At Navy Federal, that has meant getting more assertive about stopping suspicious transactions — especially wires.
“Wires are notorious because once the money is gone, it’s usually gone,” she said.
Key red flags her team watches for:
- A member sending an international wire for the first time
- A large, unusual dollar amount
- A story that doesn’t match the member’s history
- Urgency, secrecy, or inconsistent explanations
If enough signals line up, Navy Federal will refuse to process the transfer, she said.
“That’s hard for a credit union,” Foran Sepulveda acknowledged. “Our instinct is to say ‘yes’ to members. But sometimes the most member-centric thing you can do is say no.”
She stressed that this isn’t about paternalism — it’s about risk management and care.
Other steps Foran Sepulveda believes every credit union should consider:
1) Smarter friction at critical moments
More questions before wires, crypto transfers, or large peer-to-peer payments.
2) Staff training in emotional as well as financial cues
Tellers and call center staff need to recognize when a member sounds rehearsed, anxious, or isolated.
3) Proactive education — without shaming
Clear, frequent reminders that scams are common and anyone can fall for them.
4) Help members reduce exposure in the first place
Encouraging phone settings that block scam texts and calls by default — a simple but powerful step.
“Your phone already has tools that can filter out a lot of this,” Foran Sepulveda said. “If the message never reaches you, you never have to fight it in a vulnerable moment.”