CHICAGO–Seeking to change your life? Change the way you listen by thinking about it in terms of inclusiveness.
Most people don’t listen as effectively as they could, according to Susan Steinbrecher, CEO of Steinbrecher and Associates.
Writing on Inc.com, Steinbrecher said she had her own “aha” moment recently when listening to a client talk about one of her company’s programs and the person expressed an appreciation for the fact it incorporated "inclusiveness."
“I had never really considered that by learning to understand the ways in which we communicate with one another, as well as our own unique communication "signatures", we could also bolster the inclusive nature of our relationships,” wrote Steinbrecher. “Of course, when you thoroughly listen to another without judgment or assumption and honor their individuality, great things can happen. In other words, when you respect and accept someone, whole-heartedly -- you are being inclusive.”
As additional evidence, Steinbrecher pointed to the results of a recent Public Agenda/USA TODAY/Ipsos poll published in USA Today titled “Divided we fall?” She said one statistic really jumped out at her: "Sixty-nine percent said Americans now deal with disagreements in a mostly destructive way."
“So why does inclusiveness matter in an increasingly divisive world? It's human nature to yearn for a sense of belonging and acknowledgement -- at work, at home, and among our peers. Inclusiveness or diversity of thinking as some people refer to it, is essential to meaningful communication and robust relationships,” wrote Steinbrecher. “It is only when we put aside our preconceived notions, quell knee-jerk reactions, and truly listen and appreciate diverse viewpoints, that authentic connection can occur.”
Steinbrecher cited a Deloitte Insights article that defines inclusiveness in the workplace this way: "First, people feel included when they are treated "equitably and with respect." Participation without favoritism is the starting point for inclusion, and this requires attention to nondiscrimination and basic courtesy, she added.
“The next element relates to ‘feeling valued and belonging.’ Inclusion is experienced when people believe that their unique and authentic self is valued by others, while at the same time have a sense of connectedness or belonging to a group,” wrote Steinbrecher. “At its highest point, inclusion is expressed as feeling "safe" to speak up without fear of embarrassment or retaliation, and when people feel ‘empowered’ to grow and do one's best work. Clearly, these elements are critical for diversity of thinking to emerge....inclusion is (also) expressed as feeling confident and inspired."
Steinbrecher added inclusiveness begins with solid communication skills and compassionate listening to stay present during a conversation.
“When you listen deeply, you are more able to let go of opinions you may have about the other person. Deep listening and mindfulness are inseparable. You must quiet the mind to be fully attentive to the person in front of you and find the mental clarity to avoid judgment, hasty interpretations and distractions,: she said. “It takes practice and requires a healthy store of resilience. When you expand your options for self-regulation and increase the competence necessary to rework learned social responses, you can replace them with wiser, more effective techniques that will help you become a better, more inclusive listener,”