NEW YORK–People with emotionally intelligent minds embrace a three-question rule, according to one person.
Writing on Inc.com, Justin Bariso, author of EQ Applied, shared how he had been watching an interview with comedian Craig Ferguson several years ago when he said something he has never forgotten, which is it took him three marriages to realize what a difference a few seconds can make. And now he has made a practice of using those seconds to ask himself several questions.
“Ferguson's goal was to get a laugh. But let me tell you something: This is a brilliant tool that will immediately sharpen your emotional intelligence,” wrote Bariso. “In fact, I use this rule every single day of my life. (On most days, more than once.) Once you practice a bit, it only takes a few seconds to go through these questions in your mind.”
The questions include:
Does This Need to be Said?
In most cases, said Bariso, the answer is, “Nah, fuggedaboutit!
“Or, someone you don't know tries to provoke you on social media,” he continued. “You're tempted to end them with your superior snark, or spend hours debating them on the topic they've proved they obviously know less about than you. Does this need to be said? No way. Move on and focus on more important things.:
Does This Need to be Said Right Now?
“A quick mental dialogue is a lifesaver. It helps you to avoid saying things you wish you could take back. But at the same time, it encourages you to actually speak up when it's the right thing to do,” Bariso stated. “How so? You'll encounter times when your answer to each question is a clear yes: This needs to be said, by me, right now, even when it sparks a conversation that isn't easy--for you or the person you're speaking with.”
If I Don't Say This Now, Will I Regret It Later?
“Chances are, you can use both of these methods, adapting according to the circumstances,” said Bariso. “So, the next time you catch yourself about to say something you might regret, stop! Take a pause, and follow the three-question rule.”