GLASGOW, Scotland–An expert on women and leadership drew upon her own former career as a credit union executive to share a lesson she learned as she urged other women to make their own “personal calls to courage” and to “not wait to be called upon.
Speaking to the Global Women’s Leadership Network (GWLN) meeting, Laurie Maddalena, who leads Envision Excellence, a consulting and coaching firm, told credit union leaders “social conditioning” has muted the careers of many women and she encouraged women—and men—to understand many of their feelings are “normal.”
Prior to leading her own firm, Maddalena spent nine and a half years as vice president of HR and organizational development with Montgomery County Teachers FCU in Maryland, where she said she learned a life-changing lesson in how women must overcome their “inner critic” in order to advance and have parity in the workplace.
Maddalena recalled that five years into her tenure with the credit union she was promoted to vice president, and the then CEO presented her with a paper to sign reflecting her salary increase.
A Little Surprise
“When I looked at it I was a little surprised. The salary increase was very, very minimal. My inner critic said to me, “Laurie, you should be happy to be getting this job.’ I was disappointed and let it go. Three years later, I had a conversation with a different CEO who told me I was one of the best executives he had worked with and who provided a lot of positive feedback. But I also knew I was the lowest paid of the five executives. Again, my inner critic spoke up. ‘Why should you negotiate? You should be happy.’ My then boyfriend, now husband, said ‘This was your opportunity? Why didn’t you ask for a raise?’ I contemplated why I did not.”
The reason, posited Maddalena, is that women fail to negotiate due to “social conditioning.”
“We are told to be pleasing, to accommodate. This inner critic comes up and we fall for that instead of speaking up and asking for what we want in our careers,” she told the meeting.
Pink Paper Findings
Maddalena shared the results of a 2021 pink paper published by the GWLN that surveyed women in leadership roles about the barriers they face. That survey found those barriers include:
- Disadvantageous social and cultural norms
- Explicit and implicit gender bias
- Work/life balance challenges
- Lack of respect that harms women’s confidence
“Research shows women are held to a different standard than men are,” she said. “In addition to the technical competencies and skills, we are rated on how pleasing we are, how likable we are. I believe that for many of us we have been conditioned, and a lot of this is cultural—by our families, our schools—to be accommodating, pleasing, likeable, supporting and in some countries, subservient. I do believe that many of these can be great qualities to have when in the right context. Yet I found in my career that relying on these qualities has held me back from speaking up and asking for what I need.”
In addition, Maddalena said most women still take care of the “invisible” workload or the mental workload in households.
What Can Be Done
What can women do to advance leadership?
According to Maddalena, the research shows, “Women don’t suffer from a lack of self-consciousness. It’s that when we display this type of confidence, when we speak out and up, we are not rewarded for it. You are judged negatively. I believe that’s what causes this hesitation for women. Confident women in business are very often seen as overly aggressive and viewed negatively in most cultures.”
Normal Feelings
Much of what women—and men—often feel is just “normal,” she said, listing self-doubt, anxiety, uncertainty and fear. Yet women are often taught that these are not normal feelings, she added.
“It’s so easy to say, ‘It doesn’t matter what people think.’ But it’s human to care what people think. We want to feel connected. If we normalize these feelings, we are not just setting it aside, we understand these are normal feelings.”
The Inner Coach
The inner critic has a role, said Maddalena: to keep people safe and to maintain status quo and comfort. But to overcome that critic, she said she likes to turn to her “inner coach.”
“The inner coach is that wiser self, that best self, who has our best interests in mind in helping us reach our personal and professional roles,” said Maddalena.
As an example, Maddalena said she likes to imagine her 80-year-old self who is wiser and has a better perspective, and “this is the self I like to make decisions from.”
Choose How You Respond
While people can’t control those feelings, what they can control is how they respond, according to Maddalena. Often, the response is ruminating, obsessing, hesitating, procrastinating and seeking perfection. That’s when the inner coach is most helpful.
After her own ruminating and reflection, Maddalena said she had a meeting with her CEO at the credit union during which he praised her performance. Ahead of that meeting she had asked herself “What is the worst that can happen?” should she ask for a raise—the CEO might say no--and she told herself it would take “one minute of bravery,” noting the odds of being fired were pretty low.
The CEO did not approve the raise immediately, but he did several days later, leading to a $16,000 pay increase she said she would have otherwise left on the table.
Taking Action
According to Maddalena, “Action is one of the most important principle of success. Action makes the difference. Highly successful people have a bias for action.”
She acknowledged that taking action almost always involves discomfort. But discomfort, she said, is a “good sign.”
“I believe in our lifetime we will never reach our full potential on this planet,” she told the GWLN event. “Every time we set goals and reach them, a new level emerges. It occurred to me that I often feel uncomfortable, and I realized it’s because I am consistently learning and growing. It’s a normal feeling when learning new skills and developing to a next level.”
To illustrate that point, she shared the quote from Dr. Renee Brown, below.
“Leadership is action. It’s not a title you have. It’s a verb,” continued. Maddalena. “It’s the influence we can have as leaders. It’s having the tough conversations. It’s giving recognition. It’s collaborating and connecting. Don’t wait to be called upon. Call yourself forth.”